


Today is just not your day

by AjskPopp



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Implied/Referenced Suicide, Sadstuck, Suicide Attempt, vent - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:54:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28309338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AjskPopp/pseuds/AjskPopp
Summary: (TW: Attempted Suicide)Jake is not doing the best okay
Relationships: DirkJake, Jakedirk
Kudos: 10





	Today is just not your day

**Author's Note:**

> (TW: Attempted Suicide)  
> Jake is not doing the best okay

“Jake.. Jake don’t you fucking dare. Y-you have no idea, this shit it permanent. You can get h-help p-please I-“  
“I really did always love your commitment, dirk.”  
“Jake...”  
“I love you, dirk. I always have and i always will..”  
“Jake this is-“

-Call Ended-

Your name is Jake English and today just isn’t your day. 

You drive slowly down the dark interstate, taking your time in watching the passing city lights, you weren’t in any rush, it was nice to finally take things at your own pace.  
This late at night there were barely any cars on the road, and the silence for once felt quite nice.  
You rolled down your window and let the wind whip through your hair. That feeling that you craved, that was so comforting and humbling.  
The reason you were out so late.

You let your phone buzz against your lap a couple times as Dirk tried repeatedly to call you back. He was always a good friend, there for you whenever you needed him, but now you no longer needed him.. You picked it up carefully and smiled softly at it, sucking in a slow breath and whispering a soft goodbye at the glinting screen as you chucked the technology out the moving car window, watching it smash into the road behind you.  
Now you were truly at peace.

You didn’t even know exactly where you were going, not having any certain place in mind as to where you wanted your last moments, just somewhere far far away, with pretty lights to look down on and a tall building with a deep drop.  
You can’t remember how long you had even been driving before you decided to pull of on a promising exit. A museum you and your pals used to go to all the time, a place that brought you joy and serenity and warm memories.  
That’s the place.  
You pulled your car up around the front of the lot before putting it into park, sitting back in your seat with a low huff, closing your eyes for a moment. Just get on with it Jake, it’ll all be over soon.  
Closing your eyes was never promising, your mind instantly swarmed you and screamed at you, it was never quiet.  
But it’d all be quiet soon.  
You pry your eyes back open and unbuckle your seatbelt, giving your car one last look before stepping out and shutting the door, locking it, and throwing the keys down on the ground near your feet harshly, smashing them. 

You took your time making your way up as well. You had brought your usual worn green army jacket with you, and inside the pocket was a folded entrance ticket which would expire soon. Not that that mattered.  
You pulled the ticket from your pocket and scanned your way inside, immediately walking towards the elevators. Other than a few late stragglers and a small family eating dinner at the nearby restaurant, you were the only one occupying the place.  
That family looked like they were enjoying themselves, smiling and laughing and being close to each other.

It put a smile on your face as you closed the elevator doors. 

And when they opened again, you couldn’t help but let a small gasp escape you at the site of the rooftop door mere steps away from you. You stepped out of the elevator, body suddenly numb and feather weight as you pushed the door open to the roof carefully, the chilly late night wind whipping through your black hair. It was refreshing.  
You relaxed, and walked outside. 

It looked so peaceful, and you instantly became engulfed in warmth and joy as you peered around you, looking up at the beautiful clouds, and down at all those twinkling starry city lights.  
There were people near those lights, you thought, shopping, out eating, maybe having a party.  
And here you were, all the way up here by yourself, looking down upon all of those people.  
You felt powerful, chest light for the first time in years.

You stripped of your army coat, letting it slide down your arms and onto the concrete. You won’t be needing that anymore. It held so many heavy memories, so many times where that jacket had been the only thing there to hold you.  
You took your time stepping up to the edge of the tall building, taking slow and even breathes as you watched your feet practically pull themselves ahead for you.  
When you were finally at the edge, your breath felt like it was punched out of your chest, head tight as you looked down.  
Wow...

You had to step back for a minute to catch your breath again.  
And in that small minute, you heard someone racing up to the rooftop door behind you.  
Who the hell?

None other than Dirk Strider came busting through the door, panting heavily as he struggled to catch his breath.  
He looked disheveled, wavy blonde hair messy and clothes wrinkled, like you had woken him from his slumber and he had just thrown on whatever was closest to him to get out the door.  
That’s probably what he did now that you think about it.

Your heart sunk and you frowned, looking down at his feet. “What are you doing here?”

Dirks face contorted. “W-what do you THINK i’m doing here, Jake? I w-wasnt just gonna say “Oh okay no problem dude go ahead!” he exclaimed, shoulders sinking.

You suppose he was right, and you should’ve expected that.

“But..how did you know i-i was gonna be here?”  
Fuck there went all your peace and serenity.

Dirk pulled himself to stand up straight and he ruffled through his pocket, grabbing his phone. “Your t-tracker. I saw it stop off the h-highway, I knew immediately where you were g-going...” he said, still a bit out of breathe.

You couldn’t tell if it was from running up here or the fact his boyfriend was standing mere feet away from him on the edge of a building.  
Probably both. 

You couldn’t help but smile to yourself. “You always knew me so much better than i knew myself...”  
It was suddenly extremely cold, and you felt your skin litter with goosebumps.

Dirk sighed and stepped forward a bit, and you immediately reacted by stepping back away from him. He noticed, stopping in his tracks quickly and putting his hands up as to say “i’m not gonna hurt you”

You shook your head. “Dirk i-i don’t wanna do this. Why can’t you just go home...”

Dirk reached up slowly and pulled off his sunglasses carefully, they seemed useless now in the dark.  
But you could clearly see from here the dark circles under his eyes, and the wet tears staining his cheeks and beautiful orange eyes.  
They shone with all the city lights around, and you couldn’t help but get lost in them for a moment.  
He was beautiful.

“Because I-I don’t think this is the right idea, Jake. Y-You have to be r-rational about this, we can g-get you help. Anything..but this..” he spoke through a soft sob, and it made your heart crumble.

You sighed and turned around, looking away from Dirk and back out at all the pretty lights.  
Was he really making you contemplate this? Something you had been thinking about for months now?  
Dirk must’ve thought you were about to jump, because you could hear him scream from behind you and run as fast as he could at your back, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you back into him.

You collided into his body with an “oof” and rolled onto the cold ground.  
You were so exhausted you couldn’t even muster a reaction at this point, and all you could do was lay there in Dirks arms as he wrapped his entire body around you tightly, sobbing and shaking into your back.  
You could make out soft “I love you”’s.

Fucking hell.  
Maybe another day.

Your brows furrowed and you turned around carefully in his arms, pulling him into your chest and gripping into his shirt with your shaky fingers.  
And after a moment of listening to Dirk cry for you, beg you not to leave him as the wind whipped at your frail bodies and the lights shone around you.  
You broke down, burying your face in his warm sleep shirt.  
“Okay.. Okay dirk, i won’t leave you.”


End file.
